I really need advice, and would appreciate that whomever has something against me to refrain from commenting unless you have real advice that pertains to my situation.

I will put this very vaguely. I found out my boyfriend lied to me. No, he didn't cheat, but he lied.. and it was indeed a very big lie.

Should I just confront him? Or should I ask him more questions to bury him deeper into his hole of lies?

it really depends on his lie...kind of hard to say one way or another without knowingt he details

I say you ask him some more questions, see how many lies he is really willing to tell. after he cannot go any further, confront him and tell him you know he has been lying the whole time, and at that point you should really decide if this i the person you want to still be seeing.

-Jen+May 31, 2005 - 7:52 AM

bury him until he has to tell you the truth

personally, i would confront him about it...if u leave it it will always be in the back of your mind and u will always wonder if hes lieying to you again...

relationships are made up of trust both ways...u need to find out why hes lied to you,

-lagos+May 31, 2005 - 9:54 AM
Again, I'll be vague. He promised NOT to do something. But sources say he did do that something and he specifically said "don't tell my girlfriend."

not good comment to come out with.....

im gonna say it was a drug - just a complete guess!!


hmm i would confront him in a mature waywithout yelling or harping on him

drugs r not good!

my wife was a Pot head for about 3 years when we were together, she got us in some deeeeeeep financial kak! thats one reason why my 4 had to go...got to the point where i had to say, either u stop or i am out of here...

>>

Its time to move on. The phrase don't tell my girlfriend, leads to other events in the future. My 2 cents Jen

-BlackCelicaGT94+May 31, 2005 - 8:20 AM

just be like hey we need to talk for a little bit

dont come off like a jerk to him. as far as he knows, you have no idea what he did so dont come out the gates accusing him of stuff right away

OOoooo we dont know its drugs....shouldnt jump to that conclusion...

-madmods+May 31, 2005 - 10:28 AM

i'm w/ madmods. "don't tell my girlfriend" is the shadiest of shade. you know you shouldn't forgive him, because he's hurt you so much before, but i have a feeling you're going to anyway. i don't know if you value my opinion at all anymore, but this is it. you need to get over your fear of being alone jennifer, and not settle for that shiney nickel.

i told you that you can do better, and deep down you know you can. that's all i'm going to say. you know i'm not trying to swing things my way anymore, because i'm passed that. i'm just trying to help you be happy. you KNOW what you need to do, it's just a matter of doing it jennifer.

if he's lying and hurting you so much now, it's not going to stop. especially if he has already used the phrase "don't tell my girlfriend". you know that's not right, and you know you shouldn't put up with it.

i say all that, knowing you're probably going to forgive him. oh well. goodluck either way.

-John-

True i shouldnt jump to conclusions but it really is hard to judge if you dont know what he lied about


lying about hanging with someone - if its a girl then thats bad, if its a boy then thats not so bad

drug - depends on what drug.

etc

-Jen+May 31, 2005 - 8:02 AM

this kinda sounds like a drug thing to me

If it was one lie and he said "don't tell my girlfriend" then I can gurantee there are other lies. In the other cases it probably involved someone that wouldn't tell you or nobody else was around to know. Now that you have a reason to have a lack of trust you can either leave him or keep an eye on him to see if he'll do it again because chances are he will. I wouldn't go in with blind trust because you'll get burned.

Hm... it depends a lot on previous stuff.

If he's been a good faithful bf up to this point:
Confront him. Say that you found out. Say that you would rather hear something like that in the future, and (if you still want to be with him) you would rather have him tell you when he does something wrong, because you would much rather hear the truth, and be sad about the truth, then be lied to. Its an important lesson in life, that the ones you love would rather hear the truth about things than have them lied to. If he hasn't learned that lesson by this point, you should consider if you want the relationship.

If he has a bad track record:
Dump him. He won't get better. Its a lie that men change (for the most part). Minor things can change, but you shouldn't expect it. You will not change him. Period. So, knowing that, do you still want to be with him?

No it in no way matters what drug or what sex or anything.

He says he's NOT going to do something, does it anyway it doesnt matter if its ****ting in the back yard he's lying and if he's capable of doing this with a clear conscience then thats all that matters. The act of saying one thing, doing another.

Hypocriscy and lies lead to mistrust and theres no fuggin way your relationship will survive without trust.

This post has been edited by Supersprynt: May 31, 2005 - 1:35 PM

-madmods+May 31, 2005 - 11:28 AM
I agree, lies will just lead to more lies and you won't be able to trust him, and imo trust is one of the most important if not the most important thing in a relationship, you can not base a relationship on lies.

In this situation, I'd say give him the rope to hang himself -- whether you drop him through the trapdoor after he's put the noose around his neck depends on the circumstances, most especially prior offences.

Why he lied is a question, but only if there isn't a pattern. Think of it like an assault case: guy beats someone up, claims justified self defence. Believable if he doesn't get into fights. Put a couple of assault convictions on his record, and now it's a pattern of behaviour that shows he isn't learning.

If that's the case, it's time to rescue yourself from the situation. And if you're sentimental enough to worry about the effect on him, it'll have one of two results. Either he's an intractable ass who will be angry at you, or it will be enough of a shock to force him to critically examine his actions and alter his behaviour. Short form: if you haven't reformed him already, dumping him might be the only therapy that will work. Not that I'd suggest considering his feelings in this.

He's the transgressor. Are you hurt, can you trust him? The very fact you're confused enough about this to solicit advice from Internet acquaintences says yes to the first question, no to the second.

So, update. I went to talk to him today before a job interview at the mall. I decided to ask him more questions. He continued to lie. So, when he gets home (we live together now) I will definitely be, calmly, throwing the "evidence" in his face.

We'll see where it goes from there. After this I can't trust him at all.

pmed

you live with a dude you've known for HOW long?

arent you only 17? well anyway if he lied and you know the truth just straight up tell him its happened to me so many times with the same guy and trust me he will keep lieing to you your young listen to ppl around you but i know how it is the best thing to do it just confront him

Whatever it was- he knew it was the wrong thing to do because he said "dont tell my girlfried"... I know I wouldent trust, or waste my time, with anyone who intentionally sneeks around about stuff...

-Andason+May 31, 2005 - 7:33 PM
Ok.

-lil_rico+May 31, 2005 - 8:04 PM
18.

The 'Dont tell my girlfriend' part kills him. A guy thats able to tell ppl that is definately capable of doing other stuff....much worse other stuff

so what happened??? >>

This post has been edited by nik: Jun 2, 2005 - 3:57 PM

once you dont have trust then you really dont have a good relationship. This is why I will not lie to anyone I'm engaged w/. If I do or did something, guess what I did it so i'm not going to beat around the bush about it. I'm going to be straight forward.

depends, if he said he would stop eating unhealthy food but keeps on sneaking out to baskin robins and mcdonalds and is getting a beer belly id dump him.

The lie in itself doesnt matter (everyone lies) but if its the same lie about the same thing or just continueous lying in general then you should confront him.